Have you ever gone up to a colleague or loved one, combed through their fur, and picked out leaves, twigs, debris, ticks or fleas? Likely not. But social grooming does go back to our origins as a species.
This is a behaviour where primates clean each other’s bodies. Besides having a practical benefit, grooming is a way to foster social networks. It was part of human evolution, helping our long-ago ancestors to bond and build trust.
Sometimes, grooming isn’t just about hygiene. There’s even more at play.
In one study of rhesus monkeys, dominant group members were “stroked” more than “picked”. That isn’t effective for the task at hand, so why do it? Because it’s a form of flattery via the attention and perceived physical affection. As the study noted, this type of grooming can help to calm the individual and curb their potential aggression.
From monkeys to modern power plays
Stroking the ego is in our DNA, and has always been part of the persuasion toolkit. That was clear watching Maria Corina Machado, the Venezuelan opposition leader, present her Nobel Peace Prize medal to Trump during a meeting at the White House on Jan. 15.
The symbolic gesture triggered a stream of memes, which depicted Trump accepting other unearned gifts, like a bowling trophy, Olympic medals, a Grammy, Thor’s hammer – you get the idea.
It got me thinking about how flattery and token acts manifest within communications and marketing, and whether that’s worth it. It’s often a shortcut to goodwill, and a risky one.
Audiences experience it every day. Think “exclusive offers” (sent to millions of customers), “VIP access” (just an ordinary promo), a “members-only” club (unlocked by any email address), or silver-gold-platinum loyalty tiers (whose distinctions are infinitesimal).
You do free advertising for a brand (please share, tag, promote), and you suddenly have the title of “champion” or “ambassador”. Chose paperless billing or reusable bags, and you’re thanked for “saving the planet”.
Products and services get the same treatment, puffed up as “world-class”, “industry-leading” and “award-winning” (sometimes paid-for awards).
The worst might be customer service encounters where you’re assured (maybe by a bot) of how valued you are and how much your feedback matters. Depending on your mood, it can feel patronizing, generic or grating, but rarely sincere.
Sure, some people gobble it up. Psychology experts will tell you that includes those who:
- place high value on status;
- love praise and affirmation (even if it’s exaggerated);
- already have an inflated sense of self;
- tend to use superlatives themselves; and
- are suckers for ceremonial acts and symbols.
Flattery is tempting but transparent; it works if people can’t see through it. And once someone does, it can blow a hole in your reputation and erode confidence in your integrity.
Damned if you do
People have long had discomfort with if not disdain for flattery, and one piece of classic literature reflects that.
In Dante’s Inferno, the first part of his epic poem The Divine Comedy, there are nine concentric circles of hell. The eighth circle is a funnel-shaped pit called Malebolge, which has trenches for perpetrators of different types of deception.
There, you find ditches and damnations for the likes of panderers and seducers, hypocrites, thieves, sowers of discord, etc. They face being whipped or hacked by demons, having their heads twisted backwards, being tormented by snakes, and more. Not pleasant.
Yet another category is doomed – flatterers, whose punishment is to be submerged in feces.
An article in Psychology Today noted that some readers of Inferno wonder why flattery, more than countless other traits, lands people so deep in hell. It stated that flattery or sycophancy “diminishes the trust on which the social order is based, and it ultimately threatens this order.”
“Dante’s punishment exploits the long-standing association of flattery with excrement,” the authors wrote. “Full of crap while alive, in death flatterers are plunged into it.”
Symbolic gestures can backfire
Some flattery is meaningless but benign. Other times, praise and honours are warranted. But whether it comes to interpersonal relationships, professional communications, geopolitics or diplomacy, be wary of excessive fluffing as a path to influence.
Getting back to the Machado stunt, and Trump’s grinning acceptance of the framed medal, the media team of the Nobel Peace Prize committee even had to release a statement. They affirmed that while the physical prize can change hands, a laureate can never transfer the honour.
The statement noted that several Nobel laureates have either donated their medal for public display, or sold it to raise money for charity or research. But they added one more reminder, of the only other instance where a medal was passed along to someone else for purposes of flattery.
In 1943, Norwegian author Knut Hamsun (Literature Prize,1920), a fan of Hitler, met with and gave his prize to Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels as a show of support. Norway was occupied at the time. After WW2, Hamsun was charged with treason.
Social grooming is part of the primate world. But there’s a limit to transactional fawning, courting favour or performative adoration. Flattery may not send you on the road to hell. But it can cost you your credibility.
Stuart Foxman is a Toronto-based freelance writer, who helps clients’ products, services, ideas and organizations to come alive. Connect with me here on LinkedIn, or check me out at foxmancommunications.com where I share these blogs too. More original posts coming regularly about communications, information, motivation, writing, branding, creativity, media, marketing, persuasion, messages, learning, etc.
Jan. 21, 2026